Thanks for all your comments about post ideas – they have given me lots to think about!
I saw this article circulating Facebook about the mental load of mothers – this is the never-ending to-do list, the worry, the always-on, super mom brain that comes with running a household in today’s fast-paced world. I was thinking about the mental load when we made the decision to move, but I couldn’t quite pin-point it until now. While I found work to be a great break from the physical aspects of parenting, it only gives the slightest break from the mental load of being the household manager. With Matt often traveling in his previous job, I’d get home, and have lunches to make, dinner to cook, bath time, meal planning, cleaning, groceries and appointments to worry about. After a full day of work, it was my brain that was the most overwhelmed.
I don’t think it’s true that moms always carry the full mental load – dads definitely can. In our case, Matt’s not able to carry any of the load right now because of the demands and hours of his job (not to mention the mental exhaustion that now comes with new responsibilities and a new industry). Matt dreams of being a SAHD or soccer coach, so I know he would take on more of the load if he could work less! Of course, there are plenty of households where neither parent can really handle the mental load, and this is why chronic stress (and shortening telomeres) are huge problems in our society.
Perhaps the best solution to relieving the load when both parents are working is a good nanny – however, a nanny in NYC would probably cost more than I make, and even if I found one who could handle some aspects of managing the household, I think I’d miss that job. For me, being a mom and the mental load that comes with it is a good thing. I love this job, but I’m not sure I can do my best if I’m juggling a full-time career too. Not having to worry about my the students and school anymore has taken a huge load off my shoulders; but with that load, I also lost the satisfaction I got from helping families and watching students succeed. I also think having an office with a giant desktop computer helped me with some aspects of the mental load because I could pay a bill, research a question, or make a phone call during my lunch break without disruption. It’s always a trade-off!
There are moms who have 3+ kids and demanding work and handle the load beautifully – I think some would say they thrive on having that full mental load, but I’m definitely not one of them. I’m trying to clear more headspace at this point, especially living in this busy city. I realize I’m incredibly lucky to be able to ponder this topic and make the choice to take care of Emerson full time!! After all, Matt’s only able to support us because he has a job with a crazy mental load!
What do you think?
Sarah
March 7, 2018 at 7:21 pmThank you for this. As a new SAHM with previous demanding career, I am feeling this but didn’t know how to put it into words. Add in sleep deprivation, and some days I barely feel human. Although, I am grateful that I am not currently working outside the home. I enjoy your posts on motherhood. Any tips on getting baby to sleep/coping with 4 month sleep regression?
Laura
March 7, 2018 at 7:23 pmThank you for reading 🙂 my best tip would be a good swaddle and a full tummy at night – not much you can do about the sleep regression, but hopefully it won’t last too long. Hang in there!
Sarah J.
March 7, 2018 at 8:09 pmI have to say, your level of privilege is showing big time in this post. Also I’m fairly certain the fact that Matt gives you time to workout and you guys have date nights means you are doing just fine with your “mental load.” I wonder if he’d agree with your statement that he doesn’t have time to carry any of the load right now. As a parent, regardless of being the primary caregiver or not, you still worry and think about the practical things, especially when you are the only one providing financially. That burden of paying for all those gluten free meals out and monthly vacations, while you complain on instagram about the weather, germs, NYC must be a mental load in and of itself.
Andrea
March 7, 2018 at 8:52 pmDoes every blogger need to start writing a disclaimer before every post that says “IM AWARE IM LUCKY/FORTUNATE/HAVE A GREAT LIFE ETC” …? just because one is well off and can afford trips and meals out and to not work … doesn’t mean they don’t have stress. Sure, it’s a different stress than someone with low income who is struggling to get basic necessities met … but being rich does not equal not having a mental load. If this blog doesn’t resonate with your lifestyle or values, move on to one that does!
Annie
March 8, 2018 at 12:27 amWhy take the time to share your grumpiness with the world? My goodness. Try harder to be a better person.
Annie
March 8, 2018 at 10:09 amJust to clarify, my comment was directed at Sarah J., definitely not Lauren.
This is to Lauren. Thank you for sharing your world. I really enjoyed the SAHM article in a previous post. It helped me to transition back into working after taking maternity leave. Anywho, take care!
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 10:46 amThanks, Annie!
Andrea
March 7, 2018 at 8:42 pmI take on the mental load of certain things (eg meal planning, family scheduling, extra curricular) while my partner takes on the mental load of other things (household
repairs, finances, taxes, renovations). I’m sure you know in a family life may ebb and flow with who’s responsible for what, and right now you’ve got a bit more of the family/children responsibilities on your plate than Matt does. I work full time + study so yes … sometimes my mental load gets intense and my brain feels like exploding. Part time work would certainly be less stressful and a nice balance (at least in my mind).
Laura
March 7, 2018 at 8:56 pmDefinitely ebbs and flows, and I’m happy taking on his role so that Matt can have this incredible job opportunity!
Marissa
March 7, 2018 at 8:45 pmI feel the same. I could not be the kind of parent I want to be if I were working right now (we have 2 tiny girls-2.5 & 8 months). I, too, feel incredibly lucky that I get to do this each day. Even on the really hard days, there’s no place else I want to be. It is definitely a big mental load to handle. There’s sooo much to do, remember, check off the list, etc. But, in the end, it’s totally worth it for me & my family!!
Sarah J.
March 7, 2018 at 9:07 pmBeing “rich” does however afford people a break from much of the “mental load” it takes to pay bills and manage life on a budget.
I’ve had it both ways. I’ve been in Laura’s shoes and thought my life was so stressful. As a single mom at present, I now know that my life was not even a tiny bit stressful when I was staying home (with one kid) and had a husband who made enough money that I never had to budget or think twice about spending or saving (and was in charge of both).
Just remember that that “soooooo much to do, remember and check off the list” still has to get done solely by me after 5pm when I get home from work.
All I’m saying is…. maybe less complaining and more gratitude. Otherwise don’t be surprised in 5 years when your husband is having an affair with his secretary and saying all his wife does is complain. (This was not my situation, but believe me I’ve gone on dates with many finance dudes who say exactly this about their ex’s.)
sara
March 8, 2018 at 1:46 amI do not know either of you, however I feel compelled to say something about this last comment as it is outrageous and insulting. You are clearly unhappy in your own life and until you figure things out I recommend you leave other people alone as you are being a troll. If you do not like what she is saying, don’t read her blog and move on.
Cheryl
March 13, 2018 at 5:06 pmSara—great response to Sarah J. I always wonder how differently the negative feedback would be if had to be delivered IN PERSON, vs over the Internet. I think trolls would be a tad kinder in their “constructive” feedback.
sara
March 23, 2018 at 1:59 pmThank you, Cheryl! One of the many problems with the disconnected world we now live in – it is far easier to sit back and write terrible things online (to people you do not know) then say them in person. Writing a blog and putting your life online certainly creates vulnerability, but under no circumstances is it okay to say such horrible things, even if you truly believe them. 🙂
JC
March 8, 2018 at 8:46 amSarah you sound like a bitter and jealous woman that’s angry at the world. When I first read your post my jaw dropped because you sound like an icey cold b*tch, but then I found it humorous. Remember, this is a blog… just a blog! I enjoy reading blogs because it’s a little escape into fantasy land from my busy life of being a mom, wife, and full time health professional. Life sucks and some people like to pretend it’s perfect through social media. So while you’re reading Laura’s blogs and sitting there stewing, try to remember that not everything is what it appears…. or better yet, just don’t read her blog.
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 10:47 amThanks:) I love reading blogs as a little escape too!
Lesley M.
March 9, 2018 at 10:14 pmSarah J. is this how you enjoy using your time? Harassing women who are sharing their personal experiences about the challenges of motherhood? I happen to know Laura very well and know that she’s a kind and compassionate person and deserves absolutely NONE of the judgement that I’ve witnessed in these comments. STOP READING HER BLOG IF YOU THINK SHE’S PRIVILEGED AND CAN’T STAND WHAT SHE’S SAYING!!!!
Laura
March 9, 2018 at 10:16 pmThanks friend!
Kimberly
March 8, 2018 at 7:46 amI appreciate how you share aspects of your life. I find your blog refreshing.
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 7:48 amThank you:)
Kerry
March 8, 2018 at 8:08 amNot sure if you’re a podcast person but check out the Forever 35 podcast. Think you’d enjoy – all about self care and the things we ladies do for “me” time. I’ve really enjoyed it.
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 8:30 amAwesome – thanks!
Angie
March 8, 2018 at 8:25 amI was a teacher for 10 years and now I stay home with my boys, 5 and almost 2. I’m so thankful to stay home because when teaching you always bring work home and it was always in my mind. My husband also travels 2-3 weeks a month and we don’t have family nearby so I deal with all the household stress. I know my husband stresss as well. It can be lonely and difficult staying home but I keep thinking I get to stay home, I get to randomly take my kids to the library, zoo, or kids museum during the week. I still get overwhelmed at times but then remember I don’t have work stress on top of home life stress and I’m grateful. I also recommend joining a MOPs group in your area. It has helped me have adult time and make friends to have dinners and play dates with
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 10:48 amThanks! Travel is so tough, and I’m thankful that Matt is traveling less frequently now. I can’t wait to check out our zoo this summer. I’ve joined a couple of Facebook groups, but it’s hard finding other moms who stay at home around here
Caro
March 8, 2018 at 10:23 amWow, these responses. The first year of a ababy is so hard, no matter your circumstances are. I also moved during my son’s first year and that just adds to it. Motherhood is lonely enough when you have a community. My energy is finally starting to come back now that my lot is 3. It gets easier! These chicks need to go read Kath’s blog if they want to see out of touch and privileged.
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 10:45 amDid you think you could just hide that last sentence in a lovely comment?That’s my sister you are talking about!!We both have had a lot of privileges growing up, but she works hard and is kind to others – I don’t appreciate the harsh words.
Ryane
March 10, 2018 at 10:25 amSimply uncalled for. Seeing these responses brought to mind a lot of what Kath went through and I just can’t believe people are still trying to spill this vitriol almost 10 years later.
Please find enrichment of some sort rather than trolling innocent people online.
K.
March 8, 2018 at 11:04 amHmm. I’m not sure it’s fair to say that mothers who juggle work and children must just be different from you. Maybe they have better work ethics or maybe they HAVE to work.
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 11:27 amI’m talking about mothers with multiple kids who choose to work full-time because they love having a busy schedule and thrive when they’re managing many things at once. I’m surrounded by amazing women who make that choice in this city! They aren’t different as in better or worse than anyone else, but they might have different personalities.
K.
March 8, 2018 at 11:52 amSo you’re only talking about other very privileged women who can choose whether to stay home or work at any time depending on how they feel.
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 2:33 pmYes – I’m talking about the decision to work or stay at home, since that is a personal choice I’m trying to make right now
Ashby
March 8, 2018 at 11:39 amPrivileged and completely out of touch with the way the vast majority of people live is what makes Kath, and now Larbs, so endlessly entertaining to read. You can’t fault them for being trust fund babies . . . hell, I’d take that life in a heart beat. You guys keep being you with your fancy vacays, constant eating out and all the other things your “ordinary” lives entail!
Jen G.
March 8, 2018 at 12:26 pmThe GOMI people must be bored. Sorry they chose you as a new target. I find your blog entertaing and hope you keep posting day in the life stuff. Those are my favorites from everyone. I’m usually a Non Cosumer Advocate type of reader but like switching it up.
Lauren
March 8, 2018 at 1:12 pmPersonally, I don’t feel like your blog post was showing off your privilege at all. I’m not a mother, but plenty of my friends are and I know one of their biggest stressors/additions to their mental load is the mom-shaming that they feel affects them. They’re damned if they go back to work, damned if they stay home, damned if they breastfeed, damned if they don’t. One of my friends actually got yelled at by another mom for feeding her daughter yogurt because of all the sugar! I wish that some of the other women commenting on this post would do so in a more constructive fashion, rather than shame you for the level of privilege you might have.
Jamie
March 8, 2018 at 2:00 pmLaura, you really seem like a sweetheart, and I love reading your blog — especially as my husband and I are gearing up to have kids of our own. Some people are probably just envious of aspects of your life, which I can understand, but some of these comments are uncalled for and reek of bitterness (and smugness…being smug isn’t just something people of means can be). Intelligent folks realize that everything is relative; I never understood the “don’t be upset because others have it worse” mentality — would you tell someone not to be happy because others have it better? You have every right to express your thoughts, observations, and anxieties, especially on your personal platform that you created.
I’m a native New Yorker, so please let me know if you need any city advice! NYC is so awesome, but I totally get how it can be stressful and isolating. Sending you hugs.
Jenny
March 8, 2018 at 4:06 pmI do think this is a tough subject to tackle and maybe it’s just impossible to write about it without offending someone. I work outside of the home and have two kids and it’s difficult to not bristle at your saying you can’t be the kind of parent you want to be while working full-time. It’s hard not to interpret that as “stay at home moms are better parents” even if you legitimately don’t mean it that way. :/
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 4:38 pmI think what’s best for each person depends on the family, and I’m sharing my thoughts on what I’m thinking will have to work for us given Matt’s new role.
Miranda
March 9, 2018 at 6:54 amI didn’t get the impression she meant it that way, just that it will work differently for everyone. I’m about to have a baby and will definitely be going back to work (by choice, not necessity – which I know is a choice I am very privileged to be able to make) because I know I could not be the kind of mother I want to be if I were home with my daughter and stepdaughters all of the time. I will be a better mother if I’m working. Some mothers struggle to be the kind of mothers they want to be if they’re working. I’d be a horrible mother if I were at home full time.
Candice
March 8, 2018 at 7:34 pmI was a SAHM and just returned to work. For me it’s so much easier stepping away from my son and being an adult. I’m more mentally equipped to handle all the other stuff. everyone is different though and handles motherhood differently. I love hearing other perspectives.
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 8:39 pmThat’s great to hear – thanks for sharing. I definitely think I was most fulfilled when I was working part-time this fall.
Allie
March 8, 2018 at 9:38 pmHi Laura,
I used to read your blog when you were back in Boston – I was in Fenway and always enjoyed your restaurant recommendations!
I found your blog a few months ago again, and I have really enjoyed reading it. I am a mother to two girls under 3 and work 24/32 hours. I find your blog interesting and relatable. I’m happy to see you posting and sharing more – please keep it up
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 9:41 pmGlad you found me again! Are you still in Boston? Thanks for reading!
Allie
March 9, 2018 at 1:21 pmYes, but out of the city now and on the North Shore now!
Andrea
March 8, 2018 at 9:45 pmHi Laura, I am so sorry about many of these comments – they make no sense. I am a full-time working mom of 2 who loves reading blogs as an escape (as a previous commenter stated) and your post was one of the best blog posts I’ve read this month. It actually made me feel engaged and compelled to comment vs. just scrolling on. I loved your point of view. The mental load is a huge point of contention in my marriage right now (two full-time working parents, I am the breadwinner but carry 90% of the mental load too). It was great to hear someone else’s perspective. I hope you’ll continue to write posts like this despite the obvious trolling.
Laura
March 8, 2018 at 9:56 pmThank you – your comment means a lot:)
Candice
March 10, 2018 at 6:56 amWhy is it so hard to explain the mental load to a spouse?? Things just always weigh on my mind more than him so it will never be equal in our house no matter what. But when I try to explain that, my husband gets mad. And he does do so much for our house and family without being asked, he cares so much and will do other things that I ask. But his mind will never be preoccupied with tasks. It’s just not how he works. Mine will always be full of tasks.
Laura
March 10, 2018 at 1:49 pmI know! Matt read this post and was like ‘stop worrying about my lunches!’
Shannon
March 8, 2018 at 10:45 pmI think this post and the comments you received really highlight a major difficulty of motherhood and frankly, being a woman – no matter what you do, you will receive judgment from someone, too often from another woman. And in 2018, that is really a shame. I don’t have kids yet, but already stress about what the right decisions will be for our family (with a husband with a demanding job requiring travel) and have already received judgment when I think out loud about potential options. Being a mom is hard, no matter what your circumstances and you seem to be trying hard to be the best you can. All to say, thanks for sharing your journey, I enjoy following along, and feel free to start moderating the judgment out.
Laura
March 9, 2018 at 7:17 amYes! Totally agree!
Jordyn
March 9, 2018 at 9:02 amBeing a SAHM is HARD! This is amplified even further when you make the transition AFTER you’ve have your baby and have experienced being a working mom. I feel that it is so easy for others to reach out and judge, when they haven’t been in your shoes. I too have questioned many of the things you have as well. Of course I love my kids and love being there to witness all the milestones, and being an integral part of their upbringing as well as taking on the majority of the household responsibilities. However, I also miss having a career and financially contributing to the household. I play the same mental game that you do as well which I think honestly, is our own internal dialogue and mental battle within that boils down to our perceived self worth. We need to know from deep within that we are just as important just because we have the ability for whatever reason to stay at home with our kids in today’s age. The saying the “grass is always greener” holds so much truth. When we are working, we crave being there for our kids; when we are at home with our kids, we desire our independence and professional lives. Same goes for our partners. I have changed my perspective and the way I choose to parent my 3 (almost 4) kids and recognize that they have a new and improved stay at home parent. SAHM now come to the table educated and having had careers. We can teach so much more about balance and self worth having these tools. I so appreciate your transparency and honesty in your blog. I support you as a fellow mom and woman. You are NOT flaunting privelage, merely being open about real and valid struggles. Just my two cents…
Laura
March 9, 2018 at 9:07 amThank you so much 💕 Four kids = you are amazing!!
Jordyn
March 9, 2018 at 9:35 amOn a separate note, since when does making a conscious decision to stay at home with your kids equate to privilege? I lived in Washington DC for 10 years and the cost of child care was exorbitant! 2 kids was $3100/mo. That’s more then most people bring in. I can only imagine what the cost is in NYC if not provided by an employer. Just because a family budgets to travel and have an occasional meal out does not = privilege. Truth is, we are ALL privileged in America and we ALL have the freedom of choice to chose to live our lives the way we see fit. To say such harsh things about a fellow hard working American family is degrading, disgraceful and unessary. This highlights what is wrong with our country today.
Kelli H
March 9, 2018 at 11:09 pmI’m so with you!!
Ryane
March 10, 2018 at 10:29 amHere, here!
Sarah
March 9, 2018 at 9:39 amReading these comments really got me riled up-and it’s not even my blog amd I’m not even a mom. Everyone leads a different life and every life presents different challenges. One thing a lot of women commenting have in common is motherhood and the agreement that it’s difficult to find balance. Commenters- why not focus on lifting each other up instead of pointing out the things that make YOUR struggle more real. IT’S NOT A COMPETITION.
My partner travels at least half the month and we’re gearing up for a move from Canada to the US. I quit my job a few months ago (I was unhappy there and he supported me doing whatever unneeded to do to be happy). I’ve been a stay at home girlfriend making his three meals a day, running errands, etc. Guess what- the problems I had before this didn’t go away just because I’m privileged enough to stay home. More stress now that I’m moving from family and friends for his fantastic job opportunity. I’m allowed to feel a mental load. Come at me ladies!
Mel
March 9, 2018 at 2:07 pmUgh, it’s frustrating to witness women attacking other women when they are being genuine and vulnerable. This is akin to a fairly thin woman being attacked for having the courage to verbalize body confidence issues. It’s disgusting that some woman feel they have the right to determine whether another woman’s thoughts or feelings are legitimate/valid. It’s gross. But what is even more disgusting if some out-of-touch, fat-faced, grinning buffoon of a man thinking he has a dog in this fight. You, sir, need to STFU.
Laura
March 9, 2018 at 2:10 pmThis.is.awesome 👏
A
March 9, 2018 at 4:15 pmThe decisions families make for themselves are personal and just because someone uses their blog to verbalize those struggles doesn’t give anyone the right to come to their comments and pile on with the nastiness. It’s too bad we can’t have a constructive discussion about the article and Laura’s thoughts related to it.
Laura, my kids are older now, teens/pre-teens, but I remember those first years and what a struggle they were. I was also privileged in the way that I was able to stay home while their dad worked long, long hours. I was on my own from sunup till sun down most days and responsible for so much of the mental load related to our life. It was HARD. So hard. And I had all the privilege in the world; that didn’t make it any less hard for me personally.
The truth is, I’m a much better mom when I’m working. I don’t have a choice now as we divorced and I’m a single mom, but I enjoy my kids so much more when I am not with them all the time. I’m not the kind of person who enjoys keeping children busy and I am eternally grateful that there ARE people out there who do enjoy that type of work who share their many gifts with my children.
There is a right choice for everyone and they might all look slightly different. I follow your IG and your days remind me of when I stayed home and how endless it all felt sometimes; whatever choice you make for your family is the right one and you can change it at any time, if you want.
Laura
March 9, 2018 at 5:24 pmThank you – it’s nice to hear from someone who has older kids. I definitely see myself working when Emerson is a teenager. I’m glad you’ve found the right balance!
Elizabeth
March 9, 2018 at 7:09 pmHi! I don’t normally comment on blogs, but I felt the need to weigh in on this topic after seeing some of the responses. Life is hard for people in all walks of life. Some people certainly have it easier than others. But, everyone has their own problems. Saying you can’t be unhappy because others have it so much harder, worse, etc. is like saying that you can’t be happy because others are more fortunate that you.
I am a stay at home mom to a school age child and a pre-k kid. I have a husband who works at a demanding job and who, fortunately, takes very good care of our family. I am grateful for my life and I’m sure that many people would consider me to be privileged. That said, I still have hard days. I struggle with juggling all of the tasks I need to accomplish for my husband, my kids, my house, and myself. Some weeks are easier than others. Some weeks, the mental energy of trying to keep track of everything and take car of everyone’s needs wears me out. There are weeks where I feel like this place in my life is harder than when I was working at a big law firm. I’m sure there are people who have it tougher than I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that I sometimes struggle.
Hilary
March 9, 2018 at 11:30 pmVery interesting discussion. I have been a full time mom since my first was born almost 4 years ago now (and have since had a second) and during that time have moved from NYC to the Bay Area. Until recently I never have staying home a second thought, and despite the long days and fatigue felt lucky to be so involved in my kids’ upbringing. Lately, though, I have found myself wondering if and when I will return to work, and wondering how that will go after several years out of my industry, and different coast. Podcasts like Best of Both Worlds have been super inspiring- and the book _I Know How She Does It_ … to the point I’m almost wondering how much our culture has oversold the “can’t have it all” narrative! Like, have I sold myself short unintentionally? Anyway, lots to think about here, thanks for this post.
Laura
March 10, 2018 at 1:55 pmInteresting thought! I think you can have all that you make a priority to have, but no one can truly ‘have it all.’ I find there’s always something that people have to give up (cooking, sleep, full-time work, exercise, travel, cleaning, time with kids, hobbies, girl time, etc.). We all only get 24 hours each day and it would be impossible to do everything consistently.
Mary Livesay
March 9, 2018 at 11:30 pmHey Laura, sorry for the recent negativity. You have always been such an honest and open blogger, which i enjoy. Your travel posts are excellent and your writing about dealing with work, life, and family changes are always well-thought out.
Laura
March 10, 2018 at 1:50 pmThanks!
Jamie R
March 10, 2018 at 12:38 amI feel like shouting “you go girl!” You’re honesty and openness are one of the best things about your blog,(along with the great food pics and cute baby!) If you can swing staying home and it makes you happy, that’s great! I have a 2.5 year old and have found part time work is what suits my family best. To each their own- please keep posting despite all these awful trolls! 🙂
Liz W
March 10, 2018 at 6:43 amI never usually comment – I’m just a loyal reader! – but I felt compelled to say something! I can’t believe the negative responses you received on this post. Haters gonna hate lol!! I hope you don’t lose a wink of sleep over those crazies. Keep doing what you do!!
Tracy
March 10, 2018 at 12:34 pmHi! I didn’t view this post in a negative light. I thought you came across honest & open. I have 3 kids, worked part-time for part of raising them, financially I had to. We had a big move as well with all 3 and as time went on I was able to make the decision to stay home. We all do our best.
I for one want to read the negative comments, I went back and re-read your post just to see if I missed what those commenters were saying. Nope, I really didn’t feel differently than on the first read. But I think it sparks the comments, gets us thinking and is good to consider the feelings of others. I certainly hope you got enough supportive comments that it was easy to brush off. I don’t want anyone to have hurt feelings, but it’s hard to read anyone’s blog when all comments are scrubbed for just the positive ones. It is obvious when it happens and definitely doesn’t feel genuine. Thanks Laura, and Emerson is a doll!
Laura
March 10, 2018 at 1:48 pmYeah, I can see that. I try to keep it real. Thanks for taking the time to read and re- read my post!
Elizabeth
March 10, 2018 at 1:10 pmI have been a long-time reader of Kath’s blog, and now yours. It’s amazing how you get to “know” and “care for” someone through a blog. I almost feel that you and Kath are friends of mine, and so I feel angry that you were unfairly attacked by posters whose jealousy shows through in every word they type. You don’t deserve it. I find your blog to be well-written and enjoyable, and it offers me a glimpse of a lifestyle that is different from my own. Thank you!
Laura
March 10, 2018 at 1:47 pmSo nice to hear. I feel the same way about the bloggers I follow!
Molly
March 10, 2018 at 5:36 pmJust had to echo what others have said in support of you and your writing. Parenting is hard enough without others placing harsh judgments on the choices you very thoughtfully make for your family. I hope you are able to ignore the negativity and have a lovely weekend with your family. Just remember what Michelle says: “when they go low, we go high!” 🙂
Laura
March 12, 2018 at 2:45 pmLove it!
Lisa M
March 10, 2018 at 5:54 pmLaura, you seem like a class act to me! I enjoy your blog!
Laura
March 12, 2018 at 2:45 pmThanks:)
amanda
March 11, 2018 at 1:33 pmAh! People are so jealous it’s not even funny. Everyone that lives in the United states has sooo many more opportunities than most other places in the world. I refuse to victimize anyone of any race, gender, etc. etc. Everyone can succeed in life living here.
I really enjoy your blog Laura and the realness of it, you don’t sugarcoat life and that makes it realistic. My husband is away a lot too and it is so hard sometimes. I do some sub work and I am guessing in your profession they may need subs from time to time, it is a nice break to focus on something I am passionate about while still allowing me the flexibility to take care of things at home and not be tied down to a full or part time job. Maybe you could do something like that once you have settled in and baby is in a great preschool or day care. 🙂
Laura
March 12, 2018 at 2:43 pmThat’s a great idea!
Julie
March 11, 2018 at 10:52 pmLaura, I have enjoyed your blog for years, and I felt the need to let you know. Your honesty is refreshing.
Laura
March 12, 2018 at 2:42 pmThanks!!
Julie
March 12, 2018 at 12:46 amLaura, I am a huge fan of both you and your sister! I have been reading her since I was pregnant with my now 9 year old.
I can’t believe these negative comments. Don’t listen to them. Forget the insults, and only remember the compliments. You are refreshingly real and honest about your life, and that is why we all check in with your blog to see what is new with you! Keep on being you! I get so much inspiration from both of you.
Laura
March 12, 2018 at 2:42 pmThank you!!
Lauren
March 12, 2018 at 10:11 amThis is my first time commenting. I think it’s ridiculous that people think you aren’t allowed to have an opinion on something and that you shouldn’t share your thoughts because you should just be grateful for your opportunities. I personally found this entry really interesting. I am a full time working mom (2 kids) and while I almost always feel like a hot mess, I’ve come to realize that I wouldn’t enjoy staying at home and I am a better mom due to the time I get to spend away from my kids during the day. However, when I come home each night to a frantic scramble of dinner/baths/bedtime/pack up for the next day, I do sometimes feel the urge to stay home. The grass can always be greener!
Also wanted to note that I’m really enjoying the blog and more frequent posting lately!
Laura
March 12, 2018 at 2:42 pmSo true! That evening hour is the worst!
Christie
March 12, 2018 at 12:49 pmYou know, I think it’s women in general who bear the burden of the mental load. Both my husband and I work full time (and then some) with great careers and we have no children. But when it comes to household repairs, appointments, grocery shopping and food prep, oil changes, pet care, etc, this is all me. It’s a lot to handle but I enjoy being busy and caring for my family and home. I get the best of both worlds I think — a feeling of accomplishment from being successful at work and a feeling of peace and serenity at home knowing that things are in good working order and that everyone is happy, healthy and well fed. I enjoy that pace and it works for me and I value everyone’s decision to do what works best for them!
Laura
March 12, 2018 at 2:41 pmIt’s great to hear from someone without kids – I guess it goes back to the days when all women stayed home. That, and, we are really good at managing households 🙂
Flora K
March 19, 2018 at 6:22 amHi. This is a fantastic post and an issue so important to women today. We have four children who are now 8,10,12 and 14. My husband is a surgeon and I am a family doctor. I always thought I’d go back to work when I was pregnant with our first and researched nannies and nurseries. As soon as I held my baby I knew I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want a stranger with different values from me being my child’s sole influence. I gave up work until all children started school. I know I was so lucky to be able to do this financially and will always be grateful to my husband for supporting the decision. The worst thing was that colleagues and friends from university actually phoned and told me I was ‘letting myself down’. So much study and hard work to give it up to make dens and paint. Anyway, they were the best 11 years of my life. When I started work again, my SAHM friend judged me for no longer being able to go to every school open day and bake cakes for everything. You cannot win! Now I am back at work I feel I am better at it than I would be if I’d worked those 11 years. The mental load, for me, is the same. When I stayed at home I did not know how I would ever have the mental space for work. I was so busy all of the time. Now I am still so busy all of the time but there are only so many hours in the day and some of the things I am busy doing have changed. What I am saying is, until we reach a time when women support each other ( no man has ever questioned my decision to stay at home or work) there will not be equality. Why does it matter if another woman is either privileged enough to or scrimps so she can stay at home? Does it make her a better or worse person? Does it mean she has less to worry about? NO. I truly believe it doesn’t matter what your financial situation is or what your professional role or domestic roles are… women ALWAYS have a huge mental load. That load may differ in content but doesn’t make it any less viable.
On another note… I know my husband does not think about kids hockey/ dinner/ paying school fees etc etc etc when he is at work. Whenever I have a second my brain is whizzing with the list of things I have to do after work. Maybe it is just the female brain? And there is no way of getting away from that. But we can support and show understanding of each other regardless of our choices and situation. Thanks for starting this discussion. Sorry this is a bit long!
Laura
March 19, 2018 at 3:10 pmThanks so much for taking the time to comment! I can’t believe your colleagues!! Glad you’ve found the right balance for this point in life.